Great Works \’09

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I didn’t draw this immediately after I read the novella. I drew it at  I time i deemed befitting. I’m very proud I drew this. My drawing and technique has improved but for all its faults, this remains my most humane peice.

I’ve always tried to ignore my future. It doesn’t seem very real to me, much like the life I lead now. Its not bad by any means but I feel like there is something overwhelmingly obvious that I am overlooking. If not I’d be happy right? I think Gregor Samsa would agree with me. I think Franz Kafka would agree with me.Why? Because “The Metamorphosis” removes denial and false speculation about one’s fate. All I really know for sure is that I will grow up to become a woman- what then? Its almost like there is no point in living. If there is no point in anything, why live at all? This thought process is the beating heart of the existentialist movement. One’s actions define oneself. However, actions are easier said than done.

            Now before you hand me a paper with a suicide prevention hotline number hear me (and Gregor) out in this unfolding existential crisis.  Lets suppose I get an excellent job sometime in the future, something far more glamorous than selling cloth like Gregor. Will I really be happy? Will the ability to pursue my ambitions unhindered make me more of a human being than Gregor who never missed a day of work he hated? I believe so. I know what is expected of me. I should get a job, get married and settle down. Does this sound familiar? Gregor faces his family’s expectations that he provide for their needs without complaint. Already he surrenders his free will and thus it is as if he never existed at all. When the family is forced to care for him they become more assertive. The mother and father find employment. And Gregor’s sister Grete grows as bold as to refer to Gregor as “it” stripping him of his humanity. Demeaning his existence and life. Throughout this, Gregor is passive, he allows his family to hide and cold shoulder him and he allows his hygiene to deteriorate.

People will tell me, for the most part that I should live life to its fullest. Enjoy it while I am still a human being, not a bestial big bug. Hypothetically of course. I think Kafka is trying to teach us to enjoy and cherish life without relying on a “happy” ending through Gregor’s transformation in “The Metamorphosis”. Gregor undergoes his duties in a mechanical manner that makes him seem inhuman. He is miserable, completely and utterly isolated in a predicament unique to him. It is also ironic that his transformation is the single most amazing thing that ever happened to him. The time when he acts through instinct instead of duty .Its very easy to say that something is amazing. I can’t name one “amazing” thing right now. However, waking up a giant bug is definitely “amazing”

Perhaps having children, or pursuing even my most fleeting whims and ambitions will lead me to experiences and something that I can honestly call “amazing” Something that will make me say-

 

“Dear God, I was such a narrow minded idiot when I wrote this stupid entry!”

 

I can only hope. And so can Gregor.