Monthly Archives: April 2012
“This, you gonna feel a little pinch.”
Cowed and lying on that dental chair with that rubbery smell waiting and watching anxiously, today my nose is repulsive enough, none of these God-awful smell seems easy. This thick smell of death clamored and cringed me right at the moment I throw myself into the clinic, pitted all my senses against that stark hospital white, and desperately, oozing out all those hopelessness…
In this God awful, and slanting and utterly aching vision commanding from that exposed body in that reclining chair, while all the dental picks and drills shining and dangling mercilessly over my head, I sighed. Hopelessly, everything is coerced and succumbed into siding with them, all with an attitude of take-no-prisoners. Same time I realized I only can discern that puny pocket of and yellowish and fading light. With all my might, I think I saw my mouth, with a glaring light pointing straight at me, occasionally Dr. Shah, this Indian doctor with mouth mask flash in my sight, a silhouette of him bursted in and out. And as is instructed, my mouth is to open wide, painfully jarring all in hope of having that a bit of mercy in return; so wide, I am afraid every oxygen will swallow me this time as I can literally feel them bursting into my mouth, my throat…
As beads of sweat seep through my cloth for that heaving struggle, never before a thickest needle is flashed and pointed straight at me. But I couldn’t scream since my mouth is oddly ajar. As an alternative, I puzzled together that low and dejected groan as if the last judgment is here and I am doomed for eternal suffering.
Maybe the needle is made to be thick enough to prevent accidents after patients are reduced to such primal state while injecting the anesthesia. As the needle is pierced into my gum, a sharp pain flared all over my body, and it then paused and looked around to pioneer a path that lasts for a moment that’s suffice for a comfortable nap I say. In this eternity somehow I forgot the pain instead of being annoyed by such pricks of flesh. Again I released that lowest and longest groan.
In that half light of the clinic, I see dental picks in and out of my mouth all of while I release those longest grunt like a dying pig, fearlessly stabbing into my teeth, my gum, stab where it hurts.
Luckily it then switched to dental drills, those drills, loud enough to drawn out my every reasoning. I don’t think there was such a toothache to require such a massive effort, but now all is confronted with that very anxiety and fear, occupied in this splinter of hallucination.
After a long while, as my dentist stepped away, finally gave me the chance for an inhalation.
I felt my grip on the pads on the armrest; same time I felt my sweat and my rage and my pain… all the while the smell of death and hospital white creeping back into me…
“Excessive bleeding, there is no way to go further, let him take some Hydrogen Peroxide before coming back.”
When returning back, this time with an older doctor, he checked me like a used car,
As I get kicked out of the clinic, I’m finally embraced by a gulf of cool and fresh air, as I confirmed with my watch to be late, I gathered all my strength, dragging myself, staggering and trudging home via the subway. On my long walk to the subway station, a befuddled feeling came to my eyes and stomach when I realized the anesthesia is still well alive inside my body. Though I blushed off like a pointless penny.
As I was riding the night train, all the details magnified and are pierced and seared into my eyeballs, that same subway benches with that different shades of orange, today those insane colors scream out from their utmost inner lungs, that thickest windows, that heavy shade just beyond with traces of burnt orange, with a distant and excruciating and unbearable and smoky and shrieking and crackle and screeching of the subway and its track, as an inferno is about to reveal itself just the beyond of the subway divide, and all those feeling somewhat annoyed passengers scatter in the train…
“Maybe a powernap can get rid of that anesthesia.”
As I fall asleep, abruptly my tense body is awaked by an old lady sitting next to me.
As I’m trying to get a full view of the lady, next stop announcement loudly broadcasted in the radio, throw my logic completely off the track. And my confusion is compounded further by the sudden rush of riders.
“Where the hell they come from?”
Then I caught the lady smiling at me, and I cannot not to notice her not-matching-perfect outfit as I turn around my face toward her direction. A pink shirt with a dark blue skirt, a dress might not invoke her appropriate age.
All the while the brain is moved, jiggled around inside the skull.
“Tap, tap, tap.”
As the train is racing furiously, a man with his back facing me, not loud, but firmly, tapping that subway door, seems is inquiring to enter into the other side of silence, to dive into that fire.
“Tap, tap, tap.”
I swear to God, I think I saw something when he turned around peeked at me.
“I need to get rid of that anesthesia.”
I suddenly realized I’m running out of time as I glanced nervously at my watch, as I looked at those insane benches, and those thickest windows, and that ghostly white light flushing out its dull illumination, and that moving train, and that bleak tunnel…
Though quickly the urge is jostle down by a violent revolt of the subway car.
“All will look different in the sun.”
As I shut my eyes, pretending going to deep sleep against this hateful silence.