By F. Edwin Miller
Despite catching glimpses of CBS’s PGA Tour coverage on Sundays for the entirety of my life, golf continues to confuse me.
I couldn’t tell you how many holes Rory McIlroy won by last round, but I could tell you his girlfriend, Caroline Wozniacki, plays better tennis than he does golf.
I don’t know anything about golf, making the sport a perfect, and courageous, topic for this blog over the next several weeks. However in the meantime, I can tell you what I do know.
(Christ Trotman, Getty Images North America)
I know they call Phil Mickelson, “Lefty.” I’m about 99.9 percent sure he’s not right-handed. Maybe Lefty’s one of those ironic nicknames.
(Sam Greenwood, Getty Images North America)
I know that though he flaunts no washboard abs and plays on the green rather than flashes it, John Daly’s “badassness” could go pound-for-pound (or rather swing-for-swing) with Floyd “Money” Mayweather.
(Andrew Redington, Getty Images Europe)
Did you know Daly contributed to background vocals of Kid Rock’s 2007 album, Rock and Roll Jesus? It’s hard to tell which is more “unreliable,” Wikipedia or Daly.
(Ross Kinnaird, Getty Images Sport)
I know golf raised the most polarizing figure in sports: Eldrick “Tiger” Woods. Not because he won 14 major championships, or because he married a Swedish nanny, or even because he cheated on her with at least two reality show contestants, two waitresses, two pornstars, and two of every other animal in Noah’s ark, but because he did it as a ”Blackanese” man.
Though I know these things, I could never intimate the difference between a bogey, birdie, and eagle. I don’t even know the differences between the clubs and their specific purposes. I’m guessing five irons possess special powers because Larry David willingly took one out of a dead man’s casket in an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. By semester’s end, unlike David, I plan to explain just why he might’ve needed it.